hortenceisaturtle

found you.

cruise

City lights streaming
as I cruise down the road
cars in chaos
as I grasp my mind
to keep it in line
with my current action
as my train of thought goes with the cars scrambling
on my way home
all the time
thinking
if all that happened
in the same chaos
of moments and emotions
makes sense all along.

last stop

“last stop”

As I reach my final stop
on this brief but interesting drive
I would just like to say

thank you.

For making me feel that
this rust bucket of a
heart
can still beat for someone who
shines like a bright celestial body that
will guide my next step to the
unknown
with nothing more than my own
words and grit
to get me by.

I am truly grateful for your
time and attention
With that, you show me my way with
words
that I will use to free myself from my own
demons inside me. With that,
I am truly grateful.

I might have gravely mistaken (most likely I did)
about how I should’ve felt for

my own delusions of romance about moments that
do not have enough bearing
to matter at all.

I do hope that at least
in one of the infinite multiverses in our reality
I would end up
still writing clusters of words about
how wonderful it is to

wake up beside
your face
lit up by the
morning sun.

So little days have passed by and I have realized
that I exist in
in the wrong place
or the wrong timeline
for things that
should’ve been
or could’ve been

and this will haunt me for a long time.

But after everything that I had said,
I would like to let you know that

I regret nothing.

And with that,
I can swear my oath to you
that I will leave a
heartstring
of mine in this cleverly ordered words
as a reminder to 
this particular dream
to be with you
that I once

wrote for.

Want

All I wanted is to be 

something. 

Does not have to be 

big. 

Just something 

important. 

Someone worth a 

thought 

Someone worth a 

“Good Morning" 

Someone worth a 

"How was your day?”, a 

“How are you?”, a

“Take care.”, or at least 

a “Goodbye.”

something

I want to write something

Something different. Something

Impressive enough for you to

Notice me for a second-

Just a second; a glance, a moment, a

Heartbeat, is all I wanted. It will all I might have.

It might be all I would need

To finally know.

It has to be something really.

Intense.

A shot of espresso.

Your first ever adrenaline-filled roller coaster ride.

The jitters before your first date.

Steamy kisses that lead to passionate sex.

A heartbreak.

But at the same time

It has to be something really.

Sweet.

Like Gummy Bears.

An ice-cold glass of water after a night of rum and tequila

The first cigarette of the day.

A pat in the back after a killer client presentation.

A glance back at your eyes after a laugh during an unexpected stand-up comedy show.

And the cute bumps after in between the giggles.

A bar of Cadbury Oreo.

Your smile.

I want to stick to that,

Although I have a lot of unspoken

Thoughts and words, I want to say

To you. To pour my heart out and scream

The emotion that floods my soul which

I can no longer contain.

Words my lips hesitate to speak aloud

Even though I see words and signs that hinder me,

I want to write something.

My feelings.

It has to be something really.

Warm.

mornings when

water hisses and boils as it calls me

With the scent of a warm hug in a cup

Of my favorite joe

As I watch the sun kisses

the flowers with its first light at the break of day;

a bleep, I hear your words

Of a great morning that I cherished from a simple

message in a box of tin and light.

It has to be something

Genuine.

When your mother tucks you into bed

and just before she turns off the light

you ask for a bedtime story or

a lullaby

to finally fall sound asleep and secure

even during the darkest nights.

I know, I already

Wrote too much about

Things that don’t make sense;

Exactly like how I even start to fathom

and actually, entertain the feelings that are in dire

need of legitimate confirmation

from my own mind and heart that

has to be in perfect sync

just to make me believe in my oh so doubtful

self. I also know that this debris of words

could’ve been written better. Because you do

deserve the best the world has to offer.

This is starting become such a drag so

I just want to you to know that

I am falling

For someone who thinks she is broken

Even though all I see

is a heroine still shining

As bright as

The sun breaking the darkness of twilight

With her personas of smiles and laughter

That she still manages to share to everyone

Her broken star.

Yes.

I am falling.

Hard. And you know what,

This might be too fast but,

It matters not anymore. I just want you to know.  

So at least you now know.

I am falling.

For you.

Stalk this.

I know that I’m not really good with words
and I do regret most of the things I say
or rather my choice of words
and I do think a lot about the most irrelevant details
during the worst moments
about things I could’ve and should’ve said and done
but one thing I’ll always be thankful for
is that I downed that extra bottle of alcohol
to gather that minute of courage it took
to tell you what I really feel.

I know it’s weird for you, even annoying sometimes
when I try to talk to you; don’t worry I get it, sometimes, most of the time actually.
you don’t have to explain anything, its fine.
it’s just that I know I don’t have a lot of time, time to know you more.
and its okay I guess. its just really sad that’s all.

I do find it really hard to reach you, in most ways;
never the conventional, really impractical.
but nonetheless, most of the time; I realized
it is genuine. it feels real.

maybe it was your eyes, or your monotone way of speaking (but your voice is grand)
wait, maybe even your dota 2 skills (you should try playing support), or your “weirdo” sweater (which is perfect)
it may be one of those, but what I am sure of is that
all of these makes you different.
I adore different.

I’ll get to the point, not to prolong this anymore;
just like what you would do, you, being straightforward and all.
no frills, all thrill.
I was never the romantic, or actually is one, (but clearly, not really good with words)
or not anymore, well it matters not I guess.
my point here is that
I would just simply like to ask, all this rambling is all about one thing:

would you be my valentine?

Habol

Sakay.
Malambot ang gulong sa harap, pero pwede na iyan dahil wala ka nang oras.
Madali! Kailangan magmadali. Bilisan.

Padyak.
Marahan na simula, Bilisan mo! Wala nang oras.
Sandali lang, saan ba pupunta? Saan pa ba kung hindi sa kanya.
Diretso. Tapos kaliwa jan sa may kanto. Tuloy lang hanggang doon sa pababa.
Pagkatapos nuon may pasulong naman. Pataas yan.
Mabigat! –lakasan mo ang pagpadyak, wala nang oras.
Wag ka nang huminto.

Aray. Ang sakit. Alin ba ang masakit? Binti ba o Puso?
Diretso lang. Wag ka nang huminto.
Kanan ka doon, tapos kaliwa sa may pa-ikot.
Tapos niyan may paakyat ulit.

Kumulog. Dumilim ang langit. Sabay buhos nang malakas ang ulan.
Madulas na aang kalsada. Madulas, kaya babagalan ko
-Huwag! Bilisan mo pa. Baka hindi mo na abutan. Wala ka nang oras.

Para saan pa? Huli na ang lahat.
Bakit ko po gagawin kung hindi naman talaga?
Bakit ko ipipilit ang hindi naman maari?
Hinga. Hinga. Hingal. Hangal.

Eh bakit ka pa pumapadyak kung ayaw mo na talaga?
Bakit hindi ka pa tumigil kung hindi na talaga maari?
Padyak. Padyak. Pag-asa. Umasa.

Basa. May tumulo sa may pisngi. Tubig ba o luha?
Tuloy lang. Malapit ka na. Kanan. Tapos kaliwa sa may dulo.
Ayan na, tanaw mo na yung simbahan sa dulo ng pababa.

Bilisan mo at pagod na ako. Pababa.
Madulas, ngunit wala nang oras.
Madali! Wag na magpasubali.
Huwag na huminto, Huwag na-
-!?!

Hinga. Hinga. Hing-
Hangal.
Ayan na ang araw. Maliwanag na.

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dogstar07:

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